Search Results for: emotional discipline

Will leaders exhibit emotional discipline this week?©

There’s a part of being emotionally intelligent that is key to leaders successfully creating collaborative outcomes and it would appear, from my experience with thousands of them in training and executive coaching sessions, to be the portion know as “self management.”

Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability of individuals to recognize their own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.  Basically, it’s your “people” skills.  The characteristics include self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.  Daniel Goleman, a psychologist, developed the framework for it.  Many organizations use assessments that measure your level of development in each of the skills.  Studies of indicated that emotional intelligence is a higher indicator of success, in many areas, than even a person’s IQ.  Here’s a nice article to compare the two for you.

Discipline is defined as:  the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.  Discipline used to be something that was coveted.  The concept was honored and honorable.  It still is when it applies to having a perfectly sculpted body (one thing I may never see in the mirror).  Everyone seems to want one of those these days and will go to great lengths to have one.

Emotional discipline, though, is something that we may not be focusing quite enough on, right now, and could be the missing key that unlocks the outcomes we want to achieve.  The leaders I have coached and admired have emotional discipline, which I have found to mean that they don’t always do what they want to do, or say what they want to say, when they want to say it.  They don’t always react in anger when they have full justification to do so.  They don’t do tasks when they feel like it, but rather when they have them scheduled to happen.

Leaders that possess emotional discipline have an impulse, quite frequently, to run the other way when the super tough decisions need to be made, and yet they don’t.  They stand up, when others sit down, and they speak their truth in the face of criticism and sometimes serious consequences.

For those of you that are familiar with the DISC behavioral styles here are some areas that each of us may have an opportunity to develop emotional discipline in regard to:

Drivers – may have an impulse to over-confidently say exactly what’s on their mind, with little contemplation. They may speak from the “gut” and may not give consideration to how it lands on peers and team members.

Influencers – may have an impulse to avoid needed conversations and situations if they feel like they could result in a possible conflict, or deterioration of a relationship or a how much a person likes them.

Supporters – may have an impulse to hold back on their opinion or believe that their opinion isn’t as important.  They may also have an impulse to take all of the work onto themselves instead of burdening someone else which may sometimes lead to not delegating well.

Calculators – may have an impulse to NOT communicate instead of communicating.  Calculators can sometimes be more comfortable in their office with “time to think” instead of seeking others’ opinions.

When the rules of emotional discipline aren’t followed there are consequences for the leader, their team and their organization.  They might include and certainly aren’t limited to their team loosing respect and trust in them.  A lack of emotional discipline may lead to lack luster results because a leader did what they felt like doing in meetings and during important interactions with others, rather than calling out unproductive behaviors. Maybe customer centric standards aren’t kept because it’s easier to overlook poor performance than it is to inspire excellence every day.

We all have work to do to right this ship and make emotional discipline as sexy and common place again as it used to be, when we celebrated and were more attracted to a leader taking a moment to quietly contemplate their answer than blurting out the first thing that came to their mind before the other person was even finished talking.

Here are some things to discuss with your team this week:

  1. In which areas of their work do they feel they are exhibiting strong aspects of emotional discipline?  Do they hit deadlines regardless of the internal or external obstacles they are dealing with?
  2. In which areas of their work do they need a higher level of emotional discipline? Do they need to lean into meaningful conversations that can move themselves and the team forward rather than leaning away because it’s more comfortable and familiar?
  3. Where do team members need help in being more disciplined? Is it hard for them to get fired up in the morning and do the toughest tasks they need to get done, first?  Who can help motivate them and keep them on track?

At Cortex Leadership Consulting (www.cortexleadership.com) we provide DISC, Motivators, Leadership Competency, Stress, 360 degree and Team Accountability assessments along with workshops and leadership programs to assist you and your team to reach your peak performance.  You can contact us at lynda@cortexleadership.com or (540) 776-9219 to book a workshop for your team, a customized leadership program for your organization or schedule a keynote speech.

If you would like to receive the Leader’s Launch List, each week, in your email inbox, go to www.lyndamcnuttfoster.com.

5 habits that will sabotage your work week©

It seems like the majority of what we read or listen to, as executives, focuses on the habits we need to have in order to create the success we desire to achieve.  Which habits, though, are the most disruptive to our journey onward and upward at work?

Here are 5 habits that may be sabotaging your mental strength, at work, and that of your team:

  1. ENVY.  Not helpful.  Envy is defined as:  a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.  There aren’t even words in the definition of envy that are going to move you towards your richest outcomes.  Discontented.  Replace that with gratitude for what you have been able to accomplish up to this point.  Resentful. Give changing the image of the person or situation a shot.  If you resent someone for something they did, try reframing the situation in a way that allows you to see the person to be as human as you are.  Luck.  Not a word of a winner.  Everyone knows that the harder your work the luckier you will appear to be.  Waiting on or counting on luck will be a serious miscalculation towards successful outcomes.
  1. SHOULDING ON YOURSELF AND OTHERS.  Your should library, as I like to call it, those things which you say to yourself and others that aren’t based in the reality of a situation, but instead are statements of judgement, probably aren’t serving to move you forward and create more meaningful and productive relationships.  Thinking someone “should” or “shouldn’t” talk to you in a certain way;  that they “shouldn’t” use that tone;  that they “should” move faster… or move more slowly and thoughtfully, will not make it so.  Having a habit of constantly persecuting yourself because you “should” manage your time “better”, be more “effective”, or “better” at presenting your idea will not make those things become so.  What will make those things happen is focusing on them and building the skills to create better outcomes in those areas.  The majority of what you want can be obtained through focus on an outcome you have thoroughly thought through, passion to achieve it, and building the skills necessary to accomplish it.
  1. IT’s ONLY HAPPENING TO ME syndrome. There’s a disease known as “ain’t it awful”.  We all love to complain, rant, take time to simply wallow in our own miserable circumstances.  It feels good and is a relief to do that for a short period of time when we are hit with a situation that we didn’t plan for and never would have if it were up to us.  The habit of constantly finding things that are “awful”, staying in that state of mind, and worse, vomiting that dread all over others with our words and sentiments, is destructive.  Besides, almost anything that is happening to you has probably happened to someone else.  They got through it and if you are open to mentoring, coaching, and are curious about ideas on how to manage the situation, by someone you can trust, you will as well.
  1. USING COUNTER PRODUCTIVE WORDS.    I had a good friend who used to say, “I’m stressed for success”.  Most of us can be heard saying, “That person makes me crazy!”  My favorite in this category is “they threw me under the bus”.  Really?  That just seems really violent to me.  Stop a minute and think about that one.  If it were true, the result would involve law enforcement.  Our words create our worlds.  The habit of unintentionally speaking words that you have given little consideration to can sabotage your forward progress, keep you stuck in a situation you do not desire to be in, and completely derail your team members.

 

  1. TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for THINGS YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORITY FOR. This was probably the biggest lesson I had to learn to get to the next level.  I’m ambitious.  Big strength AND, it can be, when misapplied, a huge weakness.  I used to rush into situations and take responsibility for things right away.  I was the first to raise my hand and say, “Yes!” I will take that project on.  “Yes!” I will make sure that gets done.  “Yes!” I will lead that initiative or project for you. I had a habit of taking responsibility but not negotiating the terms of authority I would have in the situation.  It’s hard to lead a team of people when none of them are told that you have any authority to ask for things you will need from them.   The challenges are insurmountable when you are accountable for results, yet have no authority to choose your team, make even the most minor decisions in creating processes or execution.  Creating a habit of negotiating your authority, in each professional situation, can make things much easier when you go to execute tasks towards the outcome that was envisioned.

 

Any of these 5 habits can waste needed time and your energy.  More importantly, when they involve other people on your team they be wasting theirs as well.   Mental strength requires emotional discipline.  Building skills in these areas take focus and practice.

EXERCISE FOR YOU AND YOUR TEAM THIS WEEK:

At your upcoming team meeting, take 15-20 minutes to discuss which habits are sabotaging each member and the ones that are effecting the forward progress of the team as a whole.

Do a round at the beginning of the meeting wherein each member shares for about a minute regarding one sabotaging habit they would like to replace with one that they can envision would lead to better outcomes.

If someone chooses the habit of ENVY.  Maybe that member can make a weekly gratitude list of the about what they appreciate in their peers, their boss or organization, and themselves.

If they choose SHOULDING ON YOURSELF AND OTHERS, maybe replace that habit with asking one more question, based on pure curiosity about someone else’s perspective each day.

The habit of IT’s ONLY HAPPENING TO ME can be replaced with making a habit of finding someone who has been through what they’re going through and being open to that person’s input on ways to manage through the situation.

The habit of USING COUNTER PRODUCTIVE WORDS can be modified by instead being curious about the words you and others are using and how they are effecting outcomes.  Simply having a raised awareness of the words you use can quickly help change them to ones that trigger your higher level thinking, rather than being in the “auto pilot” mode of thinking.

Finally, modifying the habit of TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for THINGS YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORITY FOR is a matter of having getting in the habit of asking about your boundaries of authority at the BEGINNING of a process or project, instead of halfway through it.

You might find this 15-min YouTube video on building mental strength helpful:  The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong/Amy Morin.  Other articles that can assist you in thinking through patterns and habits that sabotage your success are:

6 Bad Habits that will Sabotage Your Success

Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Will you let how much other people earn motivate you this week?©

Jealousy is a waste of time and emotional energy.  I haven’t coached a successful leader yet that focuses on it.  Knowing what other people earn and celebrating them for their accomplishments is what motivates many top performers.  Being realistic about your skills, resources and behaviors will help guide your activities and decisions and will lead to better career and financial outcomes.

Let money motivate youThinking that a position pays $100,000 when a top professional, in that job after 10-15 years, only makes $45,000 can help you plan better career paths.  Many people come out of college thinking they need to make $40,000 to pay their college loan payments, yet are only qualified for positions that pay $25,000-$30,000 because of their lack of experience and practical knowledge to perform the requirements of the job.  This isn’t anyone’s fault.  It’s simply a fact that can be navigated if professionals stay focused on their skills and market conditions.

So how do you find out what people in your industry make so that you can set and negotiate realistic goals?  (or, find out how good you have it where you currently are!)  There are a couple of options:

This site shows you 84 different people and what they earn

Want to know what more than 800 jobs pay?  Click here.

Career Profiles is a source for determining salary ranges.

Glassdoor – a social media site for employees where anyone can post a rating for their company, description of their job, review the company culture, their boss, or coworkers and state what they make, anonymously.  If your organization doesn’t have a page, you might want to create one before a disgruntled employee does for you.

Another way to determine what people make is to ask someone in that industry.  It’s surprising how much you can learn if you simply have the courage to ask.  I’m not talking about being inappropriate or crass.  Be strategic.  Many times someone in an industry knows what different positions pay.  At a conference, at dinner or while having drinks, you can inquire as to what people in certain positions usually make.  You can find out which firms pay the most, which ones have the best working environments, and what qualifications you will need to have to earn the highest rate of pay in that field and with that company.

Earning a good living is not luck.  The professionals I have coached and trained work hard for what they make.  Yes, some make LOTS more than others.  The truth is, though, those that earn more are usually willing to sacrifice more, have taken more risk, and may have some killer people and other skills and talents, along with the emotional discipline needed to motivate and engage team members, customers, and negotiate with vendors.

Do you want to earn more in the next 5 years?  Here are some tips:

  • Be willing to work hard… workers perceived as unenthusiastic and low energy aren’t usually the one’s to cross any finish line first, like being offered the promotion they desire.
  • Stay focused on delivering things that your organization values the most, not just for a day or week, but consistently over time.
  • Create credible connections, relationships, and study those people that are above you or earn more than you do – mimicking the highest performers’ behaviors will go a long way to you being one of them one day.
  • Work on the components of your executive brand/presence that you need to.
  • Read, read, and read some more to build your current knowledge base of your industry
  • Practice, practice, practice, the skills that will pay off the most in your organization or in your industry.
  • Get or maintain optimal health – people want to promote people who have energy and enthusiasm for what they do.

SUGGESTED EXERCISE FOR THIS TOPIC THIS WEEK:

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Are you earning what you want to be earning? If not, how much do you think you are worth?
  • Can you prove you are worth that amount? Have you been offered that amount of money, or earned that amount, by another company?
  • What skill would you need to obtain or build to be worth what you want to make?
  • Is what you want to make an industry standard for the position you want to have or are you guessing or know one person making that amount?
  • What types of perks and benefits do you have now that a different position, or even promotion might not offer you?

Be realistic about what you want to make for the position you are in, want, or will be qualified to do.  Make yourself known and create the relationships that you will need to land that position one day.  Trust me, you are capable, smart, and hard working or you would not be reading this, and especially not to the end.  Don’t let anything deter you from what you want to achieve.  Leadership is lonely and success is not sexy.  Not everyone makes it because getting what you want isn’t always fun along the way.  Celebrate today how far you have come to get to this point.  Use all of your strengths and those of others to build your success one day at a time.

At Cortex Leadership Consulting  we provide DISC, Motivators, Leadership Competency, Stress, 360 degree and Team Accountability assessments along with workshops and leadership programs to assist you and your team to reach your peak performance.  You can contact us at lynda@cortexleadership.com or (540) 776-9219 to book a workshop for your team, a customized leadership program for your organization or schedule a keynote speech.

What will you lose because of your executive brand this week?©

Your executive brand (or your unique executive value of you) is communicating something about you as a professional, all the time, whether you are conscious of it or not.  It may be working for you, or against you.

Whether you want to get promoted, negotiate for a raise, land that dream job, start your own entrepreneurial adventure, or lead your industry’s most prestigious organization, your executive brand is the key to your success or failure.  Unfortunately, you aren’t graded on your executive brand out loud.  Your customers, co-workers, bosses, partners and vendors are grading you constantly in the little bubbles over their heads and rarely will you get the opportunity to know what they are thinking about you until it is too late to do anything about.

The following percentages generally represent where others are placing emphasis during a live conversation with you:

7% to words
33% tone of voice
55% non-verbal body language

Basically, as you are communicating, others are more focused on your tone and how you are looking back at them (or not looking) than they are the words you are using.  For that reason, you can lose standing quickly, with who you want to influence the most, if your tone of voice and your “resting face” or body language indicates a disinterest or harsh nature.

For those of you familiar with DISC behavioral styles, Drivers can come across with a harsh and dismissive tone and intense body language under stress.  Influencers can come across as unfocused and “too jovial” under stress.  Supporters, could be too quiet or even shy when the situation may call for a more assertive tone or body posture.  Calculators, on the other hand, may look away when someone is talking to them and seem uninterested which could come across as arrogant when that is not their intention at all.

The great thing about your executive brand is that building it is within your control.  Repairing it, if it is damaged, is imperative if you want to advance.  How do you know if you have an issue with your executive brand?  A good place to start is by doing some self evaluation with these 3 questions:

  1. How quickly do your emails, phone calls, or texts get returned by others and especially those that you want to influence and connect with the most?
  2. In meetings, do the people you report to, your partners, or peers listen to you when you speak or do they talk over you and rarely “give you the floor” to present your thoughts, concepts, ideas or vision?
  3. How often are you asked for your opinion on high level decisions in your organization or department?

Research indicates that there is a wide range of opinions on what creates the optimal executive brand.  One of the simplest models focuses on 5 key areas of executive presence, or brand as many of us call it.

  1. Communication

“Communication is the business currency of today”, says Raymond A. Mason in his video webinar:  Attaining an Executive Presence.  Building your skills in listening for information rather than confirmation is essential.  Most people I study are listening for others to prove that what they believe is accurate and on track.  The highest level leaders I have worked with and coached listen for information.  They want their beliefs, thoughts, concepts, and data to be disputed and debated so they can be sure they are solving the right problems, at the right times, using the smallest amount of resources.

Raymond breaks down communication in these 6 ways:

  • Active Listening
  • Speaking, presenting, delivering
  • Verbal communication
  • Empathy
  • Cross Cultural Sensitivity
  • How are you perceived?
  1. Substance

Know your stuff.  Read.  Read books, articles, and white papers on your industry and new technologies that will be effecting your industry 5-10 years from now.  Be knowledgeable about what you have been assigned to do within your organization.  Competency and standards build trust.  Executives that put forth little effort to be well educated and up to date in their field can quickly fall out of favor.  The challenges facing most organizations today are robust with complex issues.  Being well read and studying topics at hand, before group meetings and key one-on-ones will put you way ahead of your internal and external competitors… and trust me, you are ALWAYS COMPETING with someone whether you are aware of it or not.  You are rarely the only one that can do your job or hold your position.

  1. Appearance

This is about being appropriate for your organization and industry.  If your boss wears a suit to work every day it’s highly possible you are expected to.  Ask about dress codes.  Ask others, that you respect and who will give you direct feedback that you may not like sometimes, what they think about your attire, your hair, and if you’re a woman…or want to be one…about your make-up choices.  I feel like I’ve seen this enough to have to say it:  Holes in your clothes – even small ones, wrinkles in your shirts, highly scuffed and worn out shoes, ungroomed hair, can all be a non-verbal sign to those you report to or work with that you “don’t care.”  Don’t fight the appearance aspect of executive brand.  Let the rebel in you dress however it wants on off hours.

  1. Poise

Refer to a previous article I wrote on emotional discipline.

  1. Surroundings

What does your office look like?  If you Skype, what’s in the background?  What does your conference room communicate to potential hires, to vendors who call on all your competitors, to peers from your industry, and most importantly, to your customers?

One aspect of executive presence/brand I would add to this list is originality.  Copying other’s original ideas, thoughts, and concepts, without giving them credit, as opposed to building on them, will not lead to optimal outcomes.  You are smart, capable, and probably more creative than you give yourself credit for.  Collaborate, don’t copy.

TEAM EXERCISE FOR THIS WEEK:

Assign team members to read or watch any of the following webinars, videos or articles and have them report out on what they learned about creating a strong executive brand for themselves.  Each member could choose a different one and then report out at a session you schedule together.

Have each team member answer the following questions at the meeting:

  1. What was your biggest take-a-way from what you read or watched?
  2. What were the top 3 themes from what you watched or read?
  3. What is one aspect, of your executive brand, you would like to focus on to improve?

Webinar: Attaining an Executive Presence with Raymond A. Mason School of Business Alumni

7 Steps to Developing Your Presence as a Leader article

Executive Presence Learning article

The 7 Traits of Executive Presence

5 Ways to Optimize Your Executive Presence

Look Like A Leader:  Secrets to Executive Presence

Executive Presence – Talks at Google with Sylvia Ann Hewlett

 

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